


Then and Now

by NanakiBH



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, White Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 18:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6250222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing had really changed since then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then and Now

**Author's Note:**

> A friend of mine got Jade's White Day card in Tales of Asteria and was kind enough to share with me the skits that accompanied it. [I translated it](http://flagfighter.tumblr.com/post/140350731887/i-only-had-average-luck-with-the-asteria-gacha) and fell even more in love with the Colonel. It turns out that he can be quite unexpectedly thoughtful. Give that a read if you feel like it. It's what inspired this story in parts.

With all of his eight-year-old self's wide-eyed, youthful innocence, Saphir stood before his teacher and asked her honestly,

“What's Valentine's Day?”

With a look he wasn't able to properly interpret until he was older, she'd furrowed her brows with a small smile and crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back against her desk. “You don't know?” she asked, turning the question back to him, curious to see what sort of answer he would have for her.

Not so sure of himself anymore, Saphir shook his head. His face began to heat up and he considered running out of the room, but his determination compelled him to find the courage to be forward. He clutched his books a little more tightly to his chest and looked around to make sure they were alone. It would've ruined everything if one of the others heard.

“Is it really only for girls?” he asked, his small voice beginning to quiver with uncertainty once he heard himself speak. “Can... Can boys give chocolate to other boys on Valentine's Day? Or- Uh...” He almost gave himself away for a second there, so he tried to cover it up quickly, albeit sloppily. “You can give chocolate to friends, right? I-I read about Valentine's Day in the encyclopedias in the library, but it made it sound like everyone does it differently. Apparently the people of Kimlasca do it differently from the people of Malkuth, so... I don't really understand it anymore.”

Turning her eyes to the ceiling for a moment, she let out an amused sigh. “Well, that is true. The holiday is celebrated differently depending on where you are. Here, it's more common for girls to give chocolate to boys, but there are other places where it's normal to give chocolate and gifts to anyone you're acquainted with.” Looking back to him, she knelt so that she could get on his level. “I don't think that really matters, though. There's only one question you should be concerned with: Is there someone you really want to give chocolate to?”

Yeah. Ever since he got the idea in his head, he hadn't been able to let it go.

He nodded earnestly. “There is!”

Smiling knowingly, she continued. “Is it Jade?”

He'd nearly swallowed his tongue, so embarrassed that she guessed that quickly. If she'd been able to figure it out, then it wouldn't be long before Jade also figured out that he liked him – if he hadn't already. That was what he thought.

She just laughed and patted him gently on the head. “It's alright, Saphir. Your secret's safe with me. You know I won't tell him. I'm good at keeping secrets,” she said, her kind voice putting a halt on his tears before they could start coming. “But... You know how he is. I'm sure you're serious, but be careful around him, okay? I think you know what I mean, don't you?”

Jade wasn't the easiest boy to get along with. He was smart and popular, but he didn't talk very much. Saphir, on the other hand, was awkward and nerdy, and he wasn't into the things that all of the other boys were into, but he didn't particularly have trouble making friends because he acknowledged his shortcomings and knew what he had to say to get other kids to listen to him. But Jade... He was unmovable. No matter what he did, Saphir couldn't get him to listen to him. He could barely get him to look at him.

Despite that, the things that made him seem unpleasant were also the things that made him seem really cool and mysterious.

Each attempt to speak to Jade put another little scratch on his heart. He couldn't talk to him without getting laughed at or shoved, and it was always worse if Peony were there too, but Saphir never let that bother him.

Because of them, he cried almost every day. But, like the professor once told him, tears were the visual expression of the heart's kindness. He may have been a kid, but even he knew that she was just making something up to make him feel better. It worked, though. The way she said it was just so convincing, and, even if that weren't a textbook fact, he felt like he understood something a little better every time he shed a tear.

He was only eight years old, but he was already resolved to shed as many tears as it would take to make Jade notice him.

“I'm sure he'll get lots and lots of chocolate,” Saphir told her, smiling in spite of his own uncertainty, “but I'm going to make him the _best_ chocolate! Ten, twenty, thirty years from now, knowing him, he probably won't remember any of the other kids in our class, but I'm going to make sure he remembers me.”

“You're going to do all that with your chocolate?” she asked, lifting a brow.

He nodded. “Yeah!”

“Have you ever made chocolate before?”

“Nope!” He shook his head but kept smiling nervously. “But I'll learn! It can't be that hard. I heard that cooking is just like doing experiments. If that's how it is, then I'll be... um... A natural!”

Returning his smile with one much more assured, the professor stood. “You know, even if you make chocolate for him, he might turn it down. Will you be okay with that?”

Saphir laughed bashfully, hiding his red face behind his books. “I'd be happy if he even ate just one piece.”

“So mature,” she admired. “Good luck, Saphir.”

“Thank you!”

 

And so, that evening, he withdrew a few cookbooks from the library, determined to invent the chocolate worthy of becoming Jade's Valentine's gift. They weren't even really friends yet, but Jade wasn't good friends with any of the girls in their class either, so Saphir figured that he stood as much of a chance as anyone. No – with his ingenuity and tenacity, he had a _better_ chance than anyone. He was sure of it.

His first attempt was pretty good, but he knew that 'pretty good' wasn't going to be enough, so he made another batch, then another, learning from his mistakes, and wasn't satisfied until he created a chocolate that tasted better than any he could buy in town.

It was, he believed, his greatest creation. It had a pleasant, memorable flavor that he was sure Jade would never forget.

 

The next day, Valentine's Day, he waited until after school to give Jade his gift. He couldn't do it while anyone else was around, so he asked Nephry if she would distract Peony for him. He didn't have to beg – she was a lot nicer than her brother and generally trusted him.

Mustering all of his courage, Saphir watched as Jade left the school building, then he quietly followed after him. Once they were on the snowy street with no one else around, he finally found the moment to announce his presence, but it was at that same moment that Jade turned around. Obviously, they couldn't have gone that far without Jade noticing, but he'd hoped that he could be the one to make the first move.

Regardless, he was alone with Jade. Jade was looking at him intently, silently questioning why he was following him.

So, ten paces apart from him, wordlessly, Saphir bowed his head and raised the hands that held the gift box.

“What's that?”

“It's- V- ...Valentine's Day chocolate,” he mumbled, his nervousness making his tongue trip over the words. “For you.”

For a few painful seconds that felt like forever, Jade was quiet. Afraid that he might've simply walked away without another thought, Saphir looked up, heart pounding, but Jade was still there. A little closer.

Jade looked at the offering.

“Why?”

That was all. Like he didn't know _why_ he would give him a gift. Like he didn't know why he would give _him_ a gift. Saphir clumsily struggled to find an eloquent answer.

“Because...” Was it too soon, he wondered, glancing up, looking at Jade's face. His expressionless face might have terrified anyone else. It was kind of scary, but Saphir wanted to break through that glass surface and touch the person beyond it. It may have been too soon to say the words that effortlessly came to mind, so he decided that he would save them for later. “It's because today's Valentine's Day. And I made these just for you.”

Sniffing, Jade turned. “You got it wrong. It's girls who are supposed to give the chocolate to the boys. What are you, a girl?”

Saphir awkwardly toed the snow, feeling his heart sinking. The professor had tried to prepare him for a bad outcome, but still, he hoped...

It would've been a shame if it ended that way, so he insistently thrust the box out for him to take.

“Don't you want it? It's chocolate, you know. Everyone loves chocolate! Wh-why does it matter who it's from?”

That got Jade to turn back around, but his stare was cold. “That's why I wouldn't want it.”

He would've been lying if he said that didn't hurt, but it was too soon to cry.

“Just one piece!” he said, almost shouting. “At least try one piece. Y-you don't even have to tell me what you think. I just want you to try it. I... I spent all night making my own recipe and I'm really proud of it, so it's the least you could do!”

He didn't mean to sound so mad, but he couldn't help it. That was just how it came out. He felt so desperate.

To his surprise, Jade took the box from him. Pulling on the end of the ribbon, he undid the bow, then lifted the top. Saphir's heart was pounding painfully in his throat as he watched him inspect the chocolate inside. The pieces weren't uniformly shaped, and some of them could've probably been called 'ugly', but he was sure of their taste.

He thought for sure that he would faint before Jade even put one in his mouth. When he finally did, Saphir held his breath and waited. It seemed that he was letting it settle over his tongue, letting it melt slowly. It was better than if he'd chewed it quickly, Saphir thought. He needed to look at it positively because it was impossible to tell what Jade was thinking by looking at his face.

When he was finished with it, Jade's face darkened. Closing the box, he shoved it back at him. His push nearly knocked Saphir to the ground. However, while Saphir had been fortunate enough to catch his own balance, he wasn't able to save the chocolate that slipped out of his hands. The box hit the ground, its top flying off, its contents scattering across the ground.

At that moment, he'd been too afraid to look up at Jade's face; too afraid to see whether he liked his chocolate or not. He hoped that he did, but he didn't want to know if he didn't. Even if he had looked, he thought, he probably wouldn't have found an answer there. So all he was left with were his actions, the spilled chocolate, and the footprints Jade left behind in the snow.

For a while, Saphir had stood there, eventually sinking to the ground. He picked up each piece of chocolate and put it back in the box. Once he retied the trampled, snow-covered ribbon, he realized he was crying.

Blaming himself for his first ever heartbreak, for being foolish and naïve, for being eight years old and in love with a boy who probably hated him, Saphir sat and he cried.

After that day, neither of them spoke about what happened. Once his tears made his heart even more tender, Saphir felt satisfied that Jade had tried his chocolate, even if it was only one piece.

* * *

Tongue tracing his upper lip in concentration, sweat beading over his brow, Dist carefully leaned closer to the bubbling beaker in front of him. In one hand, he held a test tube of blue liquid between his fingers, in the other, a tube of red. The two couldn't be mixed, needing to be added to the bubbling beaker at the same time to produce the (hopefully) desired results. Never more had he wished that he had an extra hand...

“Saphir.”

So much for concentration.

The two tubes slipped out of his fingers, knocked into the beaker, and the whole mess shattered. The resulting purple fluid spilled all over the table, soaking the notes he had laid out. Dismayed, he almost reached for them to save them, but thought better of it, realizing that his fingerprints were probably more important than some notes he could just write again.

“Jade, you know that I'm busy-”

His breath got caught in his throat when he finally looked up. Jade wasn't wearing his usual uniform. He had on a dark blue-grey suit jacket, a well-fitted grey waistcoat, red tie, and his hair was tied back neatly with a red ribbon.

He looked... Good.

So good that it made Dist hurt a little to imagine where he might be going, dressed like that.

In comparison, he felt silly in his Malkuth military uniform and lab coat. At least he hadn't gotten any of that mixture on him, though the table was an embarrassingly disastrous sight.

“I can't believe you still jump when I say your name,” Jade said, giving him an exasperated look. “You see me all the time now.”

Dist scoffed. “That's because you're bad at announcing your presence. I didn't even hear you open the door. I'm convinced that you're just _trying_ to scare me into a heart attack – especially when you know that I'm doing something that requires my full attention.” There wasn't any point in crying over spilled chemicals, though. Taking a breath to calm himself, he gave Jade's appearance another look over. “So? What are you here for? And why are you dressed like that? Going somewhere?”

“Maybe later. I suppose that depends.”

_Depends on what?_ he wanted to ask.

Jade continued. “Don't you know what day it is?”

Not really. The days were starting to blend together inside the base. He stopped to think about it, though, and when he still couldn't come up with the date, he glanced over his shoulder at his calendar to cheat.

“The... fourteenth?” He was going to have to get a stronger prescription.

Reaching into his jacket, Jade produced a small box. Its size, unfortunately, appeared to be too large for it to be an engagement ring, but it was definitely a gift box of some sort, tied with a pretty green ribbon. It was held out for him, but Dist didn't take it just yet.

“What is it?”

“Isn't that for you to find out?” Jade asked, giving him a quizzical smile. “Today is White Day, so this is a return gift.”

“Okay, but a return for what?” He couldn't remember giving him anything – not since _that time_ , but they didn't talk about that. It wasn't like he could forget about it, but he knew better than to expect Jade to suddenly acknowledge something he did some twenty-odd years in the past.

Jade pushed up his glasses with his free hand, looking like he was becoming uncomfortable.

Well... A gift from Jade was a gift from Jade, regardless of whether he had any ulterior motives. Dist was still secretly thrilled that he was presenting him with anything. Holding back a smile, he took the box from him. He hadn't realized how excited it made him until he was slipping off the ribbon and found his heart beating quickly. Pocketing the ribbon, he lifted the top, and, inside, found some ugly, oddly-shaped chocolates.

“These are...” Handmade, he figured.

Familiar.

He didn't know why, but he wanted to push the box back at him.

“You know,” Jade began, “last month, as you might expect, I received a lot of chocolate for Valentine's Day. If I ate all of them, I would've gotten fat, so I tried just one piece from every box. There was one box... It had the best chocolate I'd ever had. I forgot about the rest of the boxes on my desk and took my time savoring that one. Those chocolates... They were from Anise.”

Dist nodded mutely.

He could feel Jade staring at him, but he didn't want to look him in the eyes.

“Of course, I prepared a White Day gift for her as well. While I was at it, I asked her where she learned to make chocolate like that. She refused to tell me who gave her the recipe, but she was willing to share it with me.” Placing a hand around the one that held the box, Jade asked him, “Won't you try at least one?”

Back then, was this how Jade felt? Holding a box of chocolate that someone poured their whole heart into, had he simply been too overwhelmed?

Without another thought, Dist put one in his mouth. He held it there, letting it melt over his tongue. It was a memorable taste. It was a taste he would've never been able to forget. Apparently Jade hadn't forgotten it, either.

That Anise...

The hand around his slipped away, going back to Jade's side. “Those should replace the ones I ruined.”

There wasn't any place for him to set the box safely, so his arms weren't free to embrace him like he wanted. Instead, Dist took a step closer and leaned against him, hiding his face, praying that Jade wouldn't mind.

“Thank you,” Jade said.

It must have been because of all the tears he'd shed until that day that he was finally able to cry tears of happiness. The professor might have been lying to make him feel better, but he wished that he could thank her for making him believe that his tears held enough strength for two.

He gave a muffled laugh against Jade's shoulder. “You're always making me cry...”

“Aren't you just prone to tears? That's why I gave you that nickname.”

Huffing in mild annoyance, Dist backed up. He didn't want to admit that he was right, so he muttered, “No, it's because you're always so mean to me.” Now that he thought about it, he realized that he hadn't stopped to question Jade's kindness. He knew that Jade could be thoughtful in his own ways, but he usually didn't show it outwardly. “Th-there isn't anything strange in this chocolate, is there? Like... I don't know- I'm not going to have to start writing my will now, am I?”

“My, Anise said something similar when I gave her gift to her... I'm not trying to kill you guys.”

“If you really wanted me to believe you, you wouldn't be grinning like that!”

“Oh, am I?” Jade said, pretending to be unaware of his widening grin.

At some point, that pane of glass he saw between them must have disappeared. The person he wanted to reach was right in front of him. Wanting to wipe that smug smirk off his face, wanting to finally grasp a hold of him, Dist closed that space.


End file.
